A Little Big Deal

Babysitting and an afterschool program. Babysitting and an afterschool program. Good babysitting and a good afterschool program.

When I was recently asked what I most needed to manage things at work, those were the only two things that came to mind. Work is busy, things get done. But good babysitting and an afterschool program in which Charlie could be together with other kids his age, be active and be engaged: These would make the hugest difference, to me (which is why I have written about both before, as a working mother, and the mother of a special needs child). And not only because it would be nice (it would be extremely helpful) to be able to sit at my desk and attend to things without scheduling everything around 3.15pm, when Charlie’s schoolbus pulls up. Charlie has seemed very much interested in being with other people, with other kids, since this past summer—great news to me, and seeking out such a program has become a new quest.

That said, I surprised myself with a realization today. Charlie usually has a regular schedule of afternoon ABA to work on his academics and also speech therapy, but this schedule has been rather erratic recently, with therapists getting sick, parent-teacher conferences, open houses, and various adjustments. Jim puts Charlie on the bus and then works long days teaching and working in his office and Charlie has been looking expectantly at the door in the afternoons and calling for therapists who, I have had to inform him, “can’t come today.” And then, without further ado, Charlie has been finding things to do. Today, he did just this, leaving me with some minutes to write mid-semester reports and a midterm.

No big deal? I guess it isn’t.

But it was.

Charlie wanted to go swimming and put on his suit and—when I said we would have to wait an hour, until 6pm, when the pool opened for “family swim”—he sat in a chair and we worked a bit on writing some letters. (Some of which—W and R—while a bit bloblike and freeform, Charlie was clearly writing on his own.) We went to the pool, where the water slide was turned off and Charlie did some kicking and moved through the water, looking over at me often and (for several minutes) hopping up and down—I’m not sure why; he looked quite agile and was smiling. We have been trying to talk to the pool manager about getting Charlie some swim time in the big pool during adult lap swim; so far, we have been met with voice mail………

After showeing at the pool, we went grocery shopping and Charlie pushed the cart. And carried his share of bags to the car, unloaded them, carried them up the stairs to our apartment, and put everything in more or less the right places in the kitchen. (Without my asking.)

I’m still actively searching for more varied ways—preferably with other children—for Charlie to spend his afternoons. It is the case that a program for kids his age would not be the right thing for him; Charlie does not have the communication and social skills to spend long periods of time with other, “typical” 5th graders. But, as I realized today, he does not need the same kind of 24/7 supervision of just a few years ago, when I had to follow him everywhere in the house and, indeed, everywhere. Today Charlie was quite fine hanging in his room, and he also understood that he had to wait a while before going to do what he liked. He repeated my own words back: “Mom has to get some work done. Have to wait.”

Those words, said by Charlie, are a very, very big deal.