December 14, 2002, I received a delicious surprise. It came in the form of a positive pregnancy test.
I was elated.
I was amazed.
I was scared poopless.
As someone who had anorexia and EDNOS problems for over a decade, I just knew that being “with child” would open the door for Ana to move back into my life. It totally freaked me out.
Ironically, I needn’t have worried. The real surprise was that my focus changed dramatically from me to my child. I stopped worrying about the size of my thighs and the amount of fat on my ribcage.
After my son was born in August, 2003, I was certain that Ana would come back into the picture immediately, but again, I was given the gift of peace. I had too much to worry about (COLIC! YIKES!) to obsess over my butt. It was a time of many stressors, but Ana’s presence wasn’t one of them.
Today, almost five years after the birth of my son, I’m happy to say that I’m probably at my least “disordered” since those tumultuous teen years, and I credit my child for helping me see the light. (At least most of the time… as you know, I am still irritated about my eating and body image and will probably tackle those feelings for a while.)
I hope this Mother’s Day leaves you with positive remembrances, too.
Happy Belated Mother’s Day!
Kristina: I totally agree!
Karen: Hey, all we did was contribute a little DNA…
Mary Emma: I didn’t gain much weight, either, but I did refocus my thoughts from myself to someone else. It was so freeing and refreshing!
Becoming pregnant started me on the road to recovery from anorexia, too. I was scared I would harm the baby if I didn’t eat properly. I didn’t gain a lot of weight with the pregnancy, but I did begin to eat better.
What a seriously cute little boy. Thank you for sharing it with the rest of us mommies today!
KL
happy happy Mother’s day—–feeding someone else is such a huge responsibility, and (for me) healing.
Thanks, Marijke and Gab! Your words made me smile!
Great post, Angelique. Thank you for sharing something so personal, today, and everyday here on your blog. I am so glad that you are finally able to celebrate the very cool person that is you.
isn’t amazing what we can do for our children?
Happy Mother’s day. You deserve it!