When I wrote the post on Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) I was hoping for someone that practiced it to comment. It is all very well to think you know something from your own point of view but, as we all know, it is always good to look at the other side of it.
Penny commented on the post, and when I emailed here and asked if she would allow me to make her comment into a post she graciously said yes. She has also agreed to answer your questions.
Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) is a lifestyle. Some people that practice it believe that it is scriptural while others, like Penny, believe that it is just not condemned by scripture. Here is a website that believes that it is scriptural, and also has a lot of basic information.
Here is Penny’s story:
I am a woman who practices this lifestyle. Contrary to what you all seem to think, this is most definitely not a control issue, least of all not for my husband.
Most couples who practice this begin to do so because the wife brings the subject to her husband’s attention. Almost without fail, it is the woman who wants this life. It is certainly the case with us. It took much talking before my husband agreed to trying this.
As far as I know, most CDDers do not claim that this is commanded by Scripture, but rather that it is not condemned. Huge difference there.
As for how things work – hubby and I sat down and discussed the things which I need to work on (my temper is a big one, since I fear that the children will suffer from my outbursts), and we discussed the punishments which will follow the breaking of each rule. To be clear – Hubby and I discussed these things together, and came to a mutual agreement. The whole CDD lifestyle was my idea.
There are some safeguards in place – hubby’s idea. A rule can never be made but what will benefit either me or the family (i.e. he can not tell me to get him a drink and punish me if I don’t).
We have a frank discussion every six months, to make changes if needed. At these times, I weigh in completely honestly. Of course, we are completely honest with each other at all times – no marriage works otherwise.
I don’t mind answering some questions, as long as they are appropriate and not distasteful. Feel free to ask.
So there you have it. You may ask any question you like in the comment section and Penny will do her best to answer it.
I will add a caveat to that, however. This has the potential to be an emotional, and passionate discussion because people will have strong opinions. You may add your comment however:
- No swearing. Seriously folks, cussing is the evidence of a small mind and limited vocabulary.
- Comments must not attack anyone.
- Marc and I will edit any comment we feel is detrimental to the conversation.
So, ask your questions, and hopefully Penny will be able to give you the answers.
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Hello, I also live in this life style. I will also answer any questions. I would like to do a run down on things that I find to be popular misconceptions. I am not a doormat. I am a very strong independant woman. I do not walk around looking at the ground. People follow me. I am a natural born leader. I am talkative and out going. I have no fear of my husband whatsoever. This is not abuse. Why? because it is consensual. I believe this to be biblical. I do not believe it to be biblically based for a man to abuse his wife, call her names, or treat her with anything less then respect and love. In my relationship and most others in this lifestyle. Our husbands love us, cherish us and want the best for us. It is not a brutish male, spanking his wife into submission to get his way. It is a loving partnership. Where the man is the head of the house based on biblical principles. I have things I need to work on. These things are mostly coming from me, however there are some things that my husband wishes for me to do, or not to do. When I cross the boundaries that we have both agreed upon, then I am punished. In a very calm and constructive manner. Then he loves on me and we cuddle and he soothes me and tells me how much he loves me and then it is over. No harboring ill feelings, no carrying around guilt. No yelling, or name calling or storming out or silent treatments. These are the things that can tear a marriage apart. If something happens and my husband spanks me, we then are back where we belong, fight is over and harmony is restored. I am happier now than I ever have been in my life.
Hi, I am new to the group. This is an initial posting. I have a lot running around in my mind and want to join this thread, but it is a busy day today, so please be patient with me.
I want to assure you and myself, that I have asked permission from my HOH and been ok’d to post here. I had not really considered that I would need to check on that, until reading the postings here. What an eye opener.
We do practice CDD. I would like to say more, but don’t have the time at this moment, but will, in the near future. I hope to ask some questions and am feeling a very strong pull to explain some things, basically to expand on some things that Penny has stated.
I really look forward to the future discussions here and think you ladies and gentleman are wonderful in your ability to have this discussion in such a frank and vanilla manner.
I have to get to school at the moment, will check back later.
Theresa
St Johns Wort is a fantastic remedy for depression, although, just like conventional antidepressants it can take up to six weeks to work.
Diane, I also would agree that you sound depressed. I would encourage you to speak with your doctor about medication for this. It truly does help. If you prefer a more natural remedy, you can try St. John’s Wort. I can not vouche for it because I have never tried it, but other’s certainly believe it works.
I think you are right. DD will not sort this problem.
Seeking Him will, with the help of your fellowship.
Diane, you sound like you are depressed. Why not consider counseling or seeing a therapist to sort out the issues that have you conflicted?
Thanks to everyone for this civilized conversation.
Penny,i have a problem and i am not sure what to do about it.I am a 39 year old house wife and am a christian. We have lived our entire marriage with the idea that my husband is the head. We talk things out and live a happy life. in the past few months i have noticed a change in my own mind set. I dont want to get up and do my house work, dont want to go on walks for my health….just want to lay around and be sorry. Well i really dont WANT to lay around and be sorry but I cant seem to make myself do what i know i should. I decide to just sit around. I dont have things done and this makes me feel worse about myself…makes me feel less like doing anything about it. I actually thought about disaplining myself by telling myself ok if you dont get your stuff done you cant eat luch out with your friends…ect… but i just wind up doing the fun things anyway with a thought of “i’ll do better tomorrow” My husband has never spanked me….he did get angry with me the first year of our marriage when i called myself an ugly name he told me he had “never come so close to spanking a grown woman ” and I “had better not ever talk about myself like that again” I never have. That being said, i wonder it would help me get out of this ’sorry rut’ i am in if he were to spank me. I talked to him about how i just cant seem to break out of the problem. I said i had even thought of letting him spank me to wake me up.(i am not taking about a clothes off- sexy spanking that i have heard of ….nor am i talking about the 30 min spankings some people write about) I told him that maybe 5 swats with the paddle would do….this is what he did to our son when he caught him smoking.He just said he didnt think he wanted t go there. He wouldnt feel right hurting me. I left the talk feeling even more down than before. what can i do?
Penny I understand where you are coming from with spanking being a sexual pleasure thing. At the very least I cannot understand using something that is a sexual pleasure as a punishment.
From my undertanding the punishment thing gets in during childood somehow and becomes sexualised. Usually people with this will have a story from their childhood. These people get pleasure from being punished not just spanking. The unhealthy part is getting pleasure from being punished in my view. This is where a healthy spanking thing gets corrupted by a desire for punishment which makes it something different altogether.
Blondie
Spanking just didn’t seem to be beneficial in our situation. My temper is a big issue for me, so we have decided to reserve spanking for times when I lose it. But I have not lost my temper since we began DD, so it hasn’t been an issue (I lost my temper at least weekly in the past, so this has done me good). My husband also does not take charge very easily, but I wouldn’t allow it for so many years that I guess I “trained” him that way. Submission began with me not arguing. I just quit arguing with him, and it gradually got easier (though I still have problems). Trust me, when the arguing stops, the marriage gets better. I would encourage any woman to give it a try. It can’t hurt.
I wanted to say that one thing I would love to work on is my temper. I tend to say some things that can be hurtful when I’m mad. But, like I said even if I did think I could handle a spanking from my husband, he would not do it, even if I said id he didn’t that was the end of our marriage. He said that that is ONE thing he just would not do for me. And even though he loves me more than anything, he would suffer the pain of me leaving him then ever hurt me.
So is there any other way to work on a temper? I do try now to walk out the room, but he will follow me cause he wants to work things out immediately.
I will admit that the idea of an erotic spanking when making love turns me on. But he won’t even do that. I don’t know how to convince him that a light playful one won’t do harm. Maybe it has to do with my last relationship I was in before I got with him. I was in an abusive relationship. I was hit, spanked, forced to submit to my ex. And his friends told me I was a bad gf if I didn’t do as he said, and I deserved to be hit then. I think maybe that’s where my refusal to submit coms from. And my husband just doesn’t want me to submit to him. He told me last week, I could be boss. But I told him I didn’t want to be boss.
I admit there is something intrigueing though about a man who takes charge. I just can’t get mine to do it even in the least.
But I am beginning to understand that if its consentaul, then it is totally different. And if it enhances your marriage, then that really is great. The saying is true I guess, “What works for one couple, may not work for another.”
May I ask why you and your husband decided not to continue the spanking?
But thanks for your honesty too and opening up about your lifestyle.
Blondie, you said that you wondered if DD was simply a way to justify spanking for sexual reasons. However, since I am a married woman, I don’t feel the need to “justify” anything that happens in the bedroom between my husband and me. I believe that anything is acceptable in the marriage bed as long as it involves only the married couple and it is consensual. If we want to use spanking for sex, there is nothing wrong with that, so we have no need to justify it by calling it domestic discipline. Does that make sense? Domestic discipline is not needed to justify an enjoyment of spanking sexually, because spanking sexually does not need justification – it isn’t wrong if it is consensual between a married couple. I hope I am explaining myself well, but I fear that I’m not. Suffice it to say that I enjoy spanking during sex, but I have never felt guilty about that. Domestic discipline is completely separate from that. Incidentally, since I began posting here, we have decided to not use spanking in our relationship, except for one very bad thing I tend to do (but haven’t done since we made this decision – obviously, DD has worked). But I still consider us domestic discipline, because my husband still has the ability to discipline me in other ways (taking away my computer, for instance).
Nicole, good luck to you honey, bless your heart.