Introducing the Kids to Your New Man

It’s a dilemma every single mom goes through: when and how to introduce her kids to her new boyfriend. Some have even asked me: should she even do it at all? Like most things in life, there are no hard and fast rules. A lot depends on the circumstances of the mom’s singlehood (for example, are the kids reeling from a recent divorce? has mom always been single?) and on the kids. Some kids are more inquisitive and more interested in their parent’s lives than others.

But while there aren’t any hard and fast rules, there are some guidelines.

Keep it Casual

The first introduction should never be as awkward as when you brought your first boyfriend home to meet your parents. Remember the standing around looking at each other? The awkward handshakes? Don’t put your kids through that. Instead, make it less formal but doing an activity. Invite the boyfriend along on a picnic or to the game center, or a movie. Allow the kids to meet him in an environment where they feel most comfortable.

Wait Until It’s More Serious

While you shouldn’t wait until you’re just about to remarry to make an introduction, you shouldn’t make an intro at all unless you’re fairly serious. You don’t want your kids to go through the stress of meeting every single date. But if there’s a guy you really like, then go for it.

Address Their Concerns

Your kids want you to be happy, but they also want to feel secure. So any whining or complaining about the fact that you have a dating life at all usually means that they are feeling insecure about where this new relationship is going. If they ask you about marriage, be honest. If they say they hate your boyfriend, talk to them about it.

Be an Example

Kids will remember what their parents do when it comes to dating. Did you make it obvious that you were having premarital sex? Dating more than one person? Pay attention to the impression you are giving your children, because they will most certainly turn the tables once it’s their turn to date. Use this new time in your life as another invitation to open up a dialog with your kids.

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