Why I Never Make New Year’s Resolutions (And You Shouldn’t Either)

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New Year’s Resolutions are tough. They’re supposed to help us, make us feel better, and put us on the right track to self-help and self-improvement. Not to be a buzzkill, but really they’re just a scam. More often than not, resolutions are just weak gestures that hold no weight after a week or two, particularly when it comes to dieting and working out. Call them what you will (goals, a plan, life changes, the program) – they’re still just resolutions. Apparently, the Babylonians started this whole annual tradition – they made resolutions to the gods in order to curry favor with them. (Sure, said resolutions may have made the Babylonians good at arts and crafts, but look what happened to them in the end: They were sacked by the Hittites.) My point is that there may be no point in making New Year’s Resolutions, so why start a brand new year off by putting this kind of counterproductive pressure on yourself?

Perhaps making vocal resolutions helps to motivate you at the dawn of a new year. If so, you’re a much better and stronger person than I am, so Happy New Year and all the best to you. But if you’re like most other humans on earth, here’s my advice: If you want to change something for the better, start to change it. If you want to do something positive, start to do it. Don’t wait for society to tell you to do it. Don’t wait for January 1 to roll around just so you can do what most everyone else does without fail: Make New Year’s Resolutions and then don’t keep them.

And why would you want to do what everyone else is (unsuccessfully) doing anyway, no matter what time of year? If I were to make a New Year’s Resolution (which I won’t), it would be to make sure I do my own thing instead of succumbing to societal peer pressure and following the crowd. In lieu of supporting the resolution scam, I will make a resolution to never make another pressure-filled, counterproductive New Year’s Resolution ever again.

Need some motivation to not make a New Year’s Resolution? Aside from resolutions, here are a few other societal scams I don’t support and things I never do (and am much happier and healthier for it):

– Buy products sold on TV (including but not limited to: lawyer services, kitchen knives, burglar alarms, jewelry, and college degrees)

– Spend New Year’s Eve in Times Square

– Celebrate Valentine’s Day like it’s an actual holiday with significance

– Buy a bunch of meaningless Christmas presents for people just because I think I have to

– Recall my high school senior prom as the greatest night of my life

– Wear a giant diamond engagement ring

– Communicate with people on Facebook whom I haven’t seen since elementary school

– Buy/read tabloid magazines (browsing them in the check-out aisle or an airport doesn’t count)

– Watch reality TV shows that involve real housewives, dancing C-list celebrities, or the Kardashians

– Keep toxic people in my life

Do you scoff at New Year’s Resolutions? What other pointless societal scams do you reject? Sound off below.