I had to take a few days off work when the King of Everything got his tonsils and adenoids removed last week. By Friday, I was definitely worried about me.
I couldn’t stop working, even though I’d scheduled the time off.
What’s WRONG with me?
I even thought about calling this help line we have at work–it’s this short term counseling/life advice number we have as part of our benefits. I’ve never called before but last Friday, I was convinced I was nuts. Before I dialed the 800 number, however, I called my mom. “I’m kind of worried about the fact that I can’t stop working, mom. Is there something wrong with me?” I fretted. Mom, ever fabulous, had a different take on things.
“I think it’s just part of being a woman,” she told me. “No matter where we are, no matter what we’re doing, we always feel a little guilty, like there’s somewhere we should be, something else we should be doing. If you’re at work, you’re feeling a little guilty that you’re not with your kids. If you’re with the kids, you feel like you should be working.”
I think she’s on to something. What I want to know is: do men feel this way too, or is it a woman thing? And have any of you mothers/women/career go-getters out there figured out how to be happy with the now you inhabit, and make the transition from one role to the other? How do you do it? Will you bottle it and sell it to me, please?
I’m going to go read some of the business management books I bought the other day. Hey! At least I’m home tonight.
oh i SO know where you’re coming from… and i think your mom put it beautifully!
you know, it took me years to teach myself to stop doing that- to teach myself that i was not obliged to anyone- especially not my bosses- to work more than the full day i was paid for!
Kathy if you find the off switch for that nagging, running commentary, would you tell me where it is? Mine seems to be broken, if I could find it.
i think your mother is right…
i always feel gulity even if i do things for my self which i think i deserve. it’s hard being a mother, your self is not your own anymore since that child arrived.
most especially , a woman’s life cannot be compartmentalized to career/family/self/motherhood/etc because they’re all inter-related for us.
I work from home as an appraiser, so I have this disease in spades. I can’t kick back on the couch and relax on Saturday without worrying that if I don’t answer the office phone (yes, some banks make their employees work on Saturday) that I’ll lose business, go broke, and have to get a real job.
If I’m working, I feel guilty I’m not working on the kids homeschool stuff. If I’m doing something with the kids, I feel guilty I’m not working. I ALWAYS feel guilty I’m not cleaning. I think it’s akin to that running, nagging, 24/7 voice that all women have in the back of their heads with the “to do” list. You know the one. “Do we have toilet paper? Did I mail the power bill? Should I be doing more math with the kids? Are we running out of Cascade? OMG what is that crud built up in the corner over there?” LOL You know the list.
I feel guilty when I’m not spending time with my daughter, but I never feel guilty about not being at work. I think that’s because I’m not passionate about what I do. Not being able to stop working can be a blessing. It means you are probably doing something you love.
But I’m not Catholic, I’m Lutheran. I thought that meant I was entitled to Guilt Lite?
Sigh. Hang in there, mama of two beautiful boys. Just keep telling yourself, wherever you are, you’re doing what’s right for you and your family at that moment.
And long hot baths help, too.
I feel the same way – guilty no matter where I am. Not to distraction, but it’s there.
Modern women can have it all, see, we just have all the guilt, too.