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I caught an interesting conversation between my friend and her husband recently. She overheard him calling a pal to say he couldn’t come over because he “had to babysit.” Since the kids he was watching were his own, his wife thought this was a ridiculous way to look at it. More than that, she kind of resented the fact that when he was alone with the children it was babysitting, but when she was alone with them it was business as usual.
This is a happy couple, to be sure, and from what I’ve seen they seem to balance work and life fairly well. Still, it was interesting to see that the “dad” in this case approached the subject of watching his kids as somewhat of a favor he was doing his wife. I don’t think he was doing this to be negative or to drive his wife crazy. I also doubt he resented the fact that he was being called on to spend time with this children.
But the fact that this conversation took place at all made me believe that perhaps guys do really look to the woman in the relationship as the scheduler of childcare. Is this the way it is in most relationships? Or do men proactively take the kids without their wives or girlfriends having to remind them to do so?
718 days ago
[...] we go with rant one in the series.Over at Career and Kids, there was an interesting little bit on Does Your Husband “Baby-Sit”? This is one of those things that is a sore subject for me… from a variety of angles. On [...]
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721 days ago
Interesting thoughts. I’m leaning toward agreeing with Pete and Charles. At the same time, however, I respect the fact that even if it is meant to be humorous and/or “shorthand,” there’s something to be said about that.
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721 days ago
My dh has a good comment…he said if a man’s doing something, then asked or told to watch the kids, he’s more likely to feel like he’s “babysitting.” So I guess he knows the feeling :D But generally, he agrees that it’s parenting as well.
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723 days ago
I wouldn’t read to much into it as men use words differently than women. Small grunts and hand gestures would do if we didn’t have to communicate with other too often. No, I don’t consider wathing the kids babysitting as that is what the teenager doesn’ when you take your spouse out to a movie. Parenting is the most proper definition I would say.
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723 days ago
[...] This guy’s not “babysitting“: [...]
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723 days ago
In answer to your last question, I do. So do most of my married-with-kids friends (although I’ve met some total buttheads who can’t even find the energy to talk with their kids let alone play with them or do homework etc).
I’d like to believe that the husband in question was not a Homer Simpson clone. Probably he just has a wry sense of humor and had found what he thought was a funny name for being alone with the kids. Either that or it’s shorthand. Us guys find the quickest way to do or say anything and “babysitting” is easier to say than “stay home and engage meaningfully with my children.” :)
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724 days ago
I’m not so entirely sure calling it babysitting is all that derogative. I could very easily imagine this same guy saying his wife has to babysit today when explaining that she is home with the kids. The fact that he views it as a chore is probably better than him thinking its all fun and games. At least he recognises it IS work and hopefully that his wife does do most of it.
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724 days ago
Every family is different, but speaking for myself and what I see among dads I know, we are as likely to take the kids as mom. I am not sure we schedule as many activities, but I’ve never heard a dad say he has to babysit his own kids, though I am sure some dads say it.
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725 days ago
I have heard this…and I have heard my husband rapidly correct the men saying it…
“Hey, you do NOT babysit your own kids”
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725 days ago
I’ve also taken issue with referring to a father watching his own children as “babysitting.” I prefer to call it “parenting.” That said, like most moms, I AM the primary scheduler in the family, be it for childcare or pretty much anything else that doesn’t involve a ball and a scoreboard.
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