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The following post will hit some of you right in the gut, as it did me. Yes, I will admit that I am guilty of many of the following and hope to change this. Read on to see what Freeman Michaels has to say about Obesity and how we could help prevent it.
Reward with Food, Punish with Food: A Recipe for Obesity
By Freeman Michaels
Freeman Michaels
Working with overweight and obese adults, I have come to understand that many people have lost touch with what their body truly needs. Because food has become a replacement for love and affection, often a source of comfort, and even a place to channel anxiety and stress, overweight people come to me to help them find their way out of the patterns they have developed.
Eating patterns are learned behaviors developed, in large part, during childhood. As the father of three children, I am personally concerned with how patterns of behavior around food are formed and reinforced in my own children’s lives.
Behaviors center on need. Many people have learned to try and meet their needs in ways that are not healthy–namely with food–and those behaviors start to form in childhood. If you are a parent interested in interrupting patterns of behavior in your children that might lead to obesity, here are some effective tools that encourage healthy eating patterns.
Kids need hugs, not candy.
Food should not mean “I love you” or “You did a good job.” Rather, food should represent fuel and nourishment for your child’s body. An encouraging or celebratory hug can mean a lot more to a child in the long run than a treat.
Differentiate between praise and rewards.
Praise is important for both parents and adults. Studies have shown that positive feedback (praise) ranks higher than pay or bonuses (rewards) when it comes to retaining employees, for example. Apply the same principle with your kids. Give them positive feedback rather than rewarding them with ice cream.
Don’t punish by withholding food.
Many people grew up with the threat of going to bed without supper. Besides reinforcing the notion that food is something other than a vital part of human health, the practice of punishing a child by withholding food is both physically and psychologically harmful. Physically, withholding food puts your child into “starvation mode” and this can cause a metabolic imbalance that contributes to weight gain. Psychologically, a child may overeat when she thinks she may be in “trouble,” as a preemptive measure. Later in life, people who developed this pattern in childhood often unconsciously gorge themselves when they feel as if they have done something wrong.
Quit the “clean plate club.”
“Clean your plate” teaches children to ignore their bodies. One of the reasons nutritionists often give for the astonishing rate of obesity in America, compared with obesity rates in other countries, relates to portion size. Studies suggest that portion sizes in America are directly related to obesity levels.
Don’t encourage emotional eating.
The other day I was picking my son up from kindergarten and I overheard a parent say to her little girl, “Did you have a hard day? Let’s go for an ice cream, would that cheer you up?” I did everything in my power to contain myself as I flashed back on the many overweight and obese clients I have coached who report being comforted with food as a child. Using food to “cheer up” a child can create a dangerous dynamic. Later in life, this pattern of eating as a means of dealing with emotional upset can lead to significant weight issues.
Help kids eat consciously.
During Super Bowl 2007 I totally lost track of my behavior and consumed an entire bowl of Doritos by myself. Watching a tense football game and unconsciously snacking on crunchy and salty foods is a wonderful illustration of an unhealthy pattern of behavior. Two things are going on–one is the distraction of watching the game, and the second is the anxiety I am feeling–that contribute to this behavior. Letting children eat in front of the television can create similar unhealthy patterns.
Use food to enhance, not dominate, celebrations.
Celebrations should revolve around special time spent with family and friends. Activities that are fun and uplifting should be the showcase of any child-centered get-together or party. When children learn that expressing joy and excitement involves overeating or eating unhealthy foods it can lead to life-long weight issues.
Make snacking a healthy activity.
Rewarding kids with unhealthy foods at the end of a long day may create a habit that lasts a lifetime. Even juice and crackers can undermine a primary meal–kids who have sweet snacks don’t eat dinner. Rethink snacks as nutritious mini-meals. Try celery, carrots, and apples.
Don’t lead your child into junk-food addiction.
Every parent I know is terrified of their child becoming an addict. Typically we don’t think of food as addictive, but research is starting to link certain types of food coupled with certain behaviors around food with addictive patterns. Dopamine, a chemical released in the brain that’s associated with drug and alcohol addiction, is also released in association with certain types of food. Research has shown that rewarding with “junk food” (foods high in sugar and fat with little nutritional value) may be directly related to the circuits in the brain associated with addiction.
Use strategic dining.
Dinner in my household used to be a bit of a disaster. My wife and I served our children a plate full of food, including a protein, starch, and vegetable. My hungry children would go straight for the starch, leaving the protein and vegetable untouched. Now we serve the vegetable first, followed by a protein. Once those have been consumed we bring out a moderate portion of starch.
Encourage outdoor playtime.
The number one reward in our house is additional outdoor play time. Interestingly, scientists say that exercise also stimulates dopamine release and raises the number of dopamine receptors in the brain.
Finding ways to meet our children’s needs in healthy and positive ways will have lifelong implications. We must help our children to listen to and respect their body signals, so that food is only associated with physical hunger. This is the best way I know of to curb the obesity crisis in America.
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Freeman Michaels, who played Drake Belson on The Young and the Restless in the mid-1990s, is now a nationally known weight-release coach and seminar leader, and author of a new book about his successful approach, called Weight Release: A Liberating Journey (Morgan James Publishing, $16.95). You can find out more about him at www.servicetoself.com.
203 days ago
by the way the above comment is me, Eliza Ferree.
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203 days ago
You know it wasn’t until late last year that I began noticing signs that we (as a family) needed to adjust our way of living. Today we are eating more greens (even if they are hidden in the meals) and fish. Once it is warmer we will be walking again. I did have to quit when I ended up sick for 7 weeks at the end of last year.
There are many small ways to beging changing our lives, many of us don’t even realize it. Small things like a day at the park, throwing the frisbee, playing kickball or tag out in the backyard with the kids. Kids will love it just because it gives them extra time with us. If you all have bikes this is a great way to spend an afternoon. We decided last year to go on 1 mile walks since we had a stroller and all the other kids were old enough not to get too tired. I’ve also heard the Wii (for all those gamers) can help in this department as there are a few exercise games for the entire family to participate in.
As far as food goes, eating healthier I think is best to begin with small steps otherwise you get burnout. We began adding salads to our meals, now I have cut up veggies with ranch sauce. I add fish once a week in a way of getting away from the meat aspect of the meals. Not sure if this helps but just my own small thoughts. (which I probably should’ve posted as a blog post)
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204 days ago
I want to add one more small startegy around family meals. One of the challenges we face in my family is pre-dinner snacking. As it says in the article, the kids are hungry. We don’t want them eating junk before dinner. Recently we began puting carrot sticks and celery out on the table for them to snack on before dinner. I don’t even say anything, I just cut up the fesh veggies and put them out. I look over, as I am preparing dinner, and the kids are eating it.
I also want to emphasize the importance of positive family meals – no distractions, such as TV, and positive conversation. I also like saying some positive affirmation before dinner (some people say grace) – it sets the tone nicely for an enjoyable experience and quality family time.
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205 days ago
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this great and very important article.
I do know a lot of people who should read this article.
But to parents not willing to make a change with their kids education what can you do?
Luckily i grew up with a mum who was conscious and never educated me over food.
I have normal weight and no eating disorder whatsoever, never even did a diet in my whole 34 years live…
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204 days ago
You make a good point about parents who don’t seem willing to make changes. We must remember that the focus should be on the family. If a child is struggling with weight, focusing on that child will exacerbate the problem. The family must make changes as a unit – and the focus should be on the health and well-being of EVERYONE in the family.
The truth is that the child obesity crisis is part of the adult obesity crisis. Everyone must be willing to examine their behavior and make different choices.
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203 days ago
We tend to do a round of: What was your favorite and least favorite part of your day? This gets everyone chatting (one at a time) and we all get to know about each other’s life.
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203 days ago
Eliza,
One major and consistant factor that I find in my adult clients who struggle with weight relates to self-esteem.
I love this ritual – we do something similar when we put the kids to bed, called “hi/low” – basically reviewing the hi point in their day and the low point.
There a critical benefit from doing this – besides getting everyone chatting and learning about each other’s life. This provides a powerful outlet for self-expression, which is the foundation of self-esteem.
Having a healthy “sense of self” requires the ability to express our experience – both the positive and negative aspects – and get support for both. This process of checking in with our kids helps them build a profound sense of confidence. Honoring their opinion and helping them make sense of their experience is so critical to thier self confidence.
We don’t think of this as being related to weight, but as I said at the top, many of my clients who struggle with weight have low self-esteem. Often they were taught to neglect or deny their feelings. Many of them were told that they were “too sensative” when they tried to relay their emotional experience to adults.
The point you make, Eliza, is sublte but very, very important for parents to consider.
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203 days ago
You hit upon some important points – getting kids playing again and getting kids to try new things (namely vegetables).
Playing should be fun:
I wrote a blog recently called “The Day the Fun Went Out of Play” – this was part of my Service to Kids project (an aspect of my Service to Self community).
My wife and I are trying to decide whether to sign my six year old son, Antonio, up for a soccer team. Several of his friends from school are on the team and Antonio says he wants to join. We don’t want to exclude him from group activities, but something caused us to pause. Before we decided, we went out to watch one of his friends play in a game. The parents were really invested in the competition – yelling directions at these little kids. The kids were trying to “get it right” and please there parents – the whole scene struck me as highly unnatural. The “play” did not seem fun, at all.
Family activities where play is fun and creative are so enriching for everyone. In this “dog-eat-dog” world of competition and striving many parents are putting their kids into organized sports too early. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the positive aspects of organized sports when a child is old enough to benefit from them. But this needs to be balanced with non-competitive creative play. And nothing is healthier and more beneficial than quality active family time.
Eating new things:
Everyone has had their child protest that they don’t like a certain food. For our family one food item that got dismissed on sight was broccoli. But my wife and I love broccoli, so we didn’t give in that easily. We never badgered our kids to eat it, but we kept serving them some – just on the side of their plate. After the fifth or so serving my six year old son began eating it. After about the tenth time, my daughter picked up the broccoli, put it in her mouth, and declared that it was “disgusting” – we let her spit it out in her napkin. Two days later we served broccoli again – this time she picked it up and sucked on it (we seasoned it with olive oil and salt), then put it back on her plate. Now, several months later she eats her broccoli one-third of the time that we serve it to her. We only serve her a little bit and she often asks for more.
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