I envy single mothers by choice. There is no conflict, there is no missing person in their lives. Holidays invariably remind me of the fact that I don’t have a partner to go through life with, grow old with… because all my friends are married, with children, and I’m single. There’s something about watching these friends go through the rituals of daily life and the ritual of holidays, and I’m on the outside, looking in.
So my 4th was bittersweet. The kid ran around on his grandparents’ roof with a handful of his friends, my parents were lovely wonderful amazing folks to people I call friend, and I stood in the rain under an umbrella and watched the fireworks, wondering if there’s a man out there who might ever make me feel fireworks, again.
And then I watched my son, sitting on the sofa on the deck, wearing a pair of safety goggles, hollering and whooping and having the time of his life and I thought, what I have is not that bad. Not bad at all.
Ike, thanks for sharing that. What a mental image. Well, I’m glad you have your grandpa still around. I find myself missing my grandparents like crazy.
Meghan, that sucks. You need to find your own tribe, and your family can go muck about without you. pPppppPt!
Mme Meow, it was so good to see you. Even if I do complain a lot, you know I lurves you.
butrflymom, I hear you. I really do. I wish I had more patience with my little guy, cause I love him to bits… but MAN he drives me bonks. It would be nice to have a man around to balance out that constant need. And have someone he could throw a ball around with, play catch.
ah well. Next lifetime.
So glad you wrote this. It was the same here, as it is every holiday. I am very grateful for the family I have … but it would also be so nice to have someone to share it all with. At my grandfather’s 97th birthday this weekend, everyone was coupled off – parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins – except good old Grandpa and me!
I went to the carnival with my daughter, but it’s so much harder by myself. I have to trust strangers with her treasures and carny foods when I accompany her on rides, and get hit on by carnies specifically because I’m alone.
This time, I actually met a mom who was kind, even though she pitied me. She asked if I wanted to tag along with her husband and kids since I was by myself. We exchanged information and might follow through with a playdate.
Be glad for your family– I was banned from the family party because no children were invited. I was wondering which child was uninvited, me or mine?
We had a lovely time with you, too. And know that you have our support, sweetie.
I understand completely how you feel. I often feel the same way and it doesn’t seem to be lessening as time goes by. Every holiday, school event, sometimes even a slow weekend I wonder if there is someone out there. Especially today, my birthday.
I crazy love my daughter and would not trade a thing but I wonder why I was meant to raise her on my own.
At least it’s a feeling that sort of comes and goes, so I wait for it to pass.