I’ve been a bad SoloMother lately. My posts have been gloomy and whiny and difficult, lately. It’s almost a year since the King of Everything and I returned to the States with little more than the suitcases in the belly of a plane.
I hadn’t realized how much of an uphill battle I had before me. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t succeed–too much was riding on it. My son’s happiness was at stake. I had to make things work. The ex wasn’t going to pay alimony and was hardly paying any child support. It was all on me.
Did you know, I’ve never finished my college degree? I’m sick of apologizing for it in interviews. When I had the money, I didn’t have the time, and vice versa. It’s terribly important to me to finish and get a degree, if for nothing other than my self-esteem (something that could use a boost right about now). But I got a job that covered us, sheltered us, protected us from the fears of illness and homelessness and hunger. I had been a stay at home mother for almost four years before the split.
I was curious… how hard is it for mothers to return to work after staying home for the kids? Apparently, for college-educated women, it’s not as difficult as popular culture would like you to believe. The Employment Digest features a piece written by Leslie Morgan Steiner, author of The Mommy Wars, who has these encouraging bits and bytes to share with us in the blogosphere:
I was not able to find a single college-educated stay-at-home mother who couldn’t find fulltime work within twelve months. A survey by the Center for Work Life Policy in New York shows that 74% of stay-at-home moms who want to go back are able to. Most who don’t get jobs are looking for part-time of flexible jobs, which are notoriously difficult to find.
Certainly, obstacles exist. It takes time and determination to craft a marketable resume without glossing over significant gaps, to find the right childcare, to refresh critical skills, and to come to peace with reinventing oneself — yet again. Some on-rampers face an initial salary penalty. Staying in the same field and geographic area makes returning easier; as does coming back within 10 years. Critically, the majority of success stories involve a return to fulltime work. Although some companies, such as Minneapolis-based Best Buy Corporation, allow employees to work flexible schedules, there are still far more fulltime jobs.
This looks promising, no? But in a publication from 2004, the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities had a less optimistic view of back to work among the single mother set, citing statistics that, while employment rates for single mothers have improved, there was a decline in 2003″ “The employment rate among single mothers fell from 73.0 percent in 2000 to 69.8 percent in 2003 — a larger decline than among other parents or the population overall.”
Honestly? This single working mother is too tired to dig up more recent statistics, but I think I’m right when I say that the key to financial independence for all women, and for single mothers in particular, is education.
Now. How can we pay for education, and still keep those roofs over our heads? That might be a question too big for this little mama to answer tonight.
I’m way late to the party … I second Amy’s suggestion. I work at a university and I get my courses for free (2 per year) and there’s a daycare on campus that goes up to age five or six. We’re also unionized, which means great wages and full benefits, etc. The hardest part, though, is finding the time to do my course work! But working at a uni rocks
Amy, thanks. I keep an eye on the local universities. Maybe some day they’ll need an assistant in the pottery department! *swoons*
It’s been pretty nuts, lady. It’s nice to know I’ve still got ‘it’. whatever ‘it’ is. and if i don’t stop stressing out, all the it i’ve got is going to go right to my hips!
i was never a s.a.h.m. so i’ve never had the battle of finding work or trying to match a previous salary… but it would stress me no end if i was!
Get a job at the university/school/college you’d like to go to. They pay your tuition, plus there are always lots of admin or front desk jobs that need people who are well presented (not high school students with multiple piercings…) so those jobs should not be that hard to come by.
Navi, thanks for that. I’m scared of student loans, I have one hanging over my head still and I have to pay it off. Sigh.
Karen, that woman is AMAZING! Woah.
Jennifer, thanks for that. I don’t know if I have the personality to make a go of independent entrepreneurial work, but I need something in my life to change.
http://fafsa.ed.gov
In most cases, if you don’t qualify for grants/scholarships, you can at least get student loans. and if you have student loans, you can defer them if you are enrolled at least half time. That’s how you pay for colleges. Many colleges also have scholarships/grants for nontraditional students and people returning to the workforce. I’ve also learned I’d get a lot more aid if I didn’t have this thing called a husband, including things like childcare assistance.
Oops, got in a hurry. That’s supposed to say “every month she tells how much she makes”. lol
Yes, unfortunately, you always have to be strong. I know it’s tough.
Hey, I thought of something great today. Check out Amy’s site. She started working from home on the computer a few months ago. She made over $5000 last month. She tells how to do it and every month she tell show much she makes. You should check into her plan.
http://www.mydebtfreegoal.com/
Oh also what Karen said is right on — I took a ton of online classes which really helped. There are all types of colleges doing this now so you can be at home and still attend college.
I’ll email you about write at home stuff sometime in the next few days (I do the bulk of my work on the weekend so I can unschool Cedar during the week so my weekends are packed) but I don’t want to clog up your comments
It is possible though; just hard. But then again so is sending your kid to school and trying to find a decent mama friendly job outside of the home so I guess hard is relative.
Hey, Karen. I think right now, my problem is time. I don’t have enough of it, to research and plan and get ahead of the curve. Something to work on.
I’m tired of being strong. But I don’t have any choice, do i?
Good on you for being a teacher. I don’t know if I could do that… though it’s certainly a portable skill!
Jennifer, if I didn’t think it made folks feel better to know they aren’t alone in the ‘right now, this sucks’ category, I would keep my mouth shut. It’s not mean at all to feel relief for someone else’s suffering. It’s more of a, ‘Oh thank god it’s not just me’ thing, isn’t it?
How DO you make ends meet as a write at home mama???
Thankfully, the internet makes an education a lot easier to obtain. I have a friend that is 21 years old and has 2 kids. She works full-time and takes internet classes online. She gets daycare assistance and I’m sure she gets some help with tuition too.
Your divorce is relatively new. You’re a strong woman. You still have time to figure things out and make things better.
For my profession, I don’t think it will be hard to get a job when I’m done working at home. I’m a teacher and you know, they’ll always need teachers. I am fortunate to have chosen this field.
You know; I’m sorry because you have seemed down lately but it’s actually made me feel better. That sounds weird (or mean?) I know but it makes it feel like it’s not just me. I like my boy of course and work is cool but the last two weeks have been a nightmare with the ex (refusal to pay child support, he went nuts one night, cops, courts, I’m moving in 2 weeks, the whole flipping nine yards) so reading this blog has seriously helped. I’m not all alone it seems.
As to college — I started college when my little was five mos old or so. I got financial aid, later scholarships, day care help and when I coulden’t do day care I dragged Cedar to classes with me. He was probably the only one year old to ever attend human anatomy. As a baby he’d eat through classes or sleep, later he’d color or play with hotwheels on the floor.
We lived in student family housing for some of college — so looking for a college that offers that option helps. Now, all that said. I don’t actually think college has helped me so much I think I could have spent my time working and not schooling. I think that you need to make sure you want a job that ONLY college can afford you. Because frankly as a write at home mama, I’d have made more writing at home than earning a degree.
My fault because I was in school for midwifery and left to be with my son at home. But it’s a good lesson in thinking things through A LOT before going to school. I don’t have one client who has asked me about my degree; come to think of it even when I worked as a social worker no one asked. A degree is not all that in my opinion.
Hope things get, seem, or feel better for you soon