Basically, that’s the question my ex wanted me to answer when he called this morning. Only, he didn’t ask, “How much do you need?”
He asked, “How much do you make?”
I can’t answer that question. I make an hourly rate, per assignment. When I’m not working, I don’t get paid. I don’t have health insurance, life insurance, 401K or savings. I have three pairs of trousers and a couple of sweaters. I don’t spend money on myself… so I’d say that a good 70% of my expenditures are for the Kid. I rented a house. If I were single without kid, I’d have rented an efficiency and saved myself $800/month.
The USDA’s publication, Expenditures on Children by Families, 2005, has some interesting things to say about single versus two parent families, including this eye-opener:
Income groups of single-parent households (before-tax income under $31,000 and $31,000 and over in 1992 dollars; these income groups are inflated to 2005 dollars in the table) were selected to correspond with the income groups used for husband-wife households. This income includes child support payments. The two higher income groups of two-parent families (income between $31,000 and $52,160 and over $52,160 in 1992 dollars) were combined because only 17 percent of single-parent households had a before-tax income of $31,000 and over. The sample was weighted to reflect the U.S. population of interest.
The emphasis is mine. Only 17 percent of single parent households, 90 percent of which are headed by women, make more than $2583 a month… before taxes? And these figures are based on households with two children.
From elsewhere in the publication, I pull this gem:
For the lower income group (2005 before-tax income less than $43,200), a comparison of estimated expenditures on the younger child in a two-child, single-parent family with those in a husband-wife family is presented in table 10; as previously discussed, 83 percent of single-parent families and 33 percent of husband-wife families were in this lower income group. Total expenditures on a child up to age 18 were, on average, 5 percent lower in single-parent households than in two-parent households. But more single-parent than husband-wife families fell in the bottom range of this lower income group. Average income for single-parent families in the lower income group was $18,100, compared with $26,900 for husband-wife families. Single-parent families in this lower income group, therefore, spend a larger proportion of their income on their children. On average, child-related housing expenses were higher, whereas expenditures on transportation, health care, child care and education, and miscellaneous goods and services were lower in single-parent families. Child-related food and clothing expenditures were similar, on average, in single-parent and in two-parent families.
No wonder children from ‘broken homes’ are having such a hard time making it. They don’t have the resources, the basic necessities. Yeah, I know, a child needs a father. It looks as though a child needs a whole world of stability that two people in a commited relationship can give: financial, emotional, physical.
According to this publication, I should expect to spend $15,100 on my child in a year. By my calculations, I’m going to spend slightly more than that. The way I figure it, his portion of the house I rented is the amount over what I would have paid for a one bedroom or efficiency, had I not been the primary caregiver. Let’s say, $600/month.
If I weren’t responsible for him, I’d be eating any old thing, whatever was on sale. But I’m concerned abotu where our food comes from, and what we’re putting into it in the name of profit, so I shop at the farmers’ markets, and the local organic store, and am considering buying into a farm co-op this spring. I’d say his share of the groceries comes to $300/month. I could cut that down, but why would I feed him crap if I can make ends meet and still buy organic?
I spend about $50/month on clothes and shoes for him. He’s growing like a weed, loses mittens every week, and has Really Big Feet. The clothes we were gifted when we got off the plane two months ago are already too short on him. I shop at thrift stores for him and am making due with three pairs of trousers in my own closet. He is the proud owner of nine pairs of swank Thomas the Train, Spiderman, and Cars undies, thanks to Laura. We’ll get by somehow.
Single entertainments like movies, puppet shows, all that stuff? We haven’t spent a dime on it, but I’d love to be able to include things like that in his mental diet. Toys? We don’t really have any. Slowly but surely going to fix that. And we’re both voracious readers, which means we need a book budget. But what’s reasonable? $50/month? More? Less? I have no idea. Books are not a luxury. Experiences that make my child’s mind sing with possibilities is not a luxury.
Health insurance, education, emergencies, etc? No idea. Probably $300/month. Quality child care is going to put me through the roof, but my kid needs some fun, some smaller group dynamics, some special attention. I hope I can afford to give it to him.
This puts me at $15,600 for the year. And that’s conservative. Sigh.
A kid costs over half a million dollars. I mean instead of feeding a kid 3 times a day for 365 days a year times 20 years, you could have used that same money and compounded it at 12 percent with good stocks.
Many people don’t understand the power of compounding that’s why they have a kid.
So the question becomes would you use a condom to get over $500,000 aka half a mil?
Jay, I hear you. It’s been two years since I’ve seen a dime from my ex, and I don’t think I’ll ever get the money back. It’s all up to me, now, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to fail my child.
Good luck. it sounds like hard work. I can’t advise about anything else but you could try freecycle. the local libriary or http://www.bookcrossing.com to try and sort out your book problems though.
Chepo,
I am probably a bit younger than you and the area i live in is so depressed. At one point when I was younger(22) I got arrested and had to appear before the judge for non payment of child support. At the time I was living away from home so that I could help raise my son. Being 3 hours away and the cost to drive and lodging would put me at being an every other weekend father. I wanted to at least be close until he started school.
Anyway, I was self-employed at the time and business was slow. I thankfully I had good friends who all worked at restaurants so I was able to eat. But there where times when my son’s grandmother had to give me money on the weekends I had him so that he could eat good.
Well back to the judge, I told him what I call child support. In order to have my son and be in his life…I had to have a roof over his head, I had to have gas, electricity, water, transportation and other things. She still lived at home with her parents and made considerably more than I. The judge basically told me the same things she was always saying “get a job”. So I got one as fast as I could…I got hired into an electrical company.
The money was not bad for a 24 year old. So all was fine until the company started laying people of left and right. But of course now that I was making more money…she wanted an increase. Well I was one of the ones who got laid off and so that my child support wouldn’t miss a beat I took the only job i could find in a week! McDonald’s! What a surprise she was in for when at our child support hearing I disclosed that I was currently working at MCD’s and here are my pay stubs for the last 2 months.
My landlord and I had to lie to HUD so that I could get housing so that my son could have a roof over his head when he was with me. But I still had to pay for gas, electric and water and of course $280 a month in support and rears.
And yea I know $280 ain’t a lot but it is when you are making $5.15 an hour! So when it was said and done…I had $496 to live off of each month. $175 a month for bills $100 a month for travel because now my car is broke down and I have to catch the bus and bum rides evey where. $50 a month to take care of my son when I had him. That leaves me $175 for living expenses. Ha that fool lived off MCD’s for 30 days…I did it for 90!
And so the story continues….
At 25 years old working at MCD’s bills kicking my a$$ I decided I would make my money by other means…things went good for about 2 years and then at 27 I found myself in Federal Prison sentenced to 3 years 7 months for white collar crimes…mmm.
I did 22 months and the whole time…child support was racking up! 2 months after I get home..still in the halfway house…my son’s mother has me back in court trying to get child support…please…let a man get on his feet! Did I mention she is married now and has another child and together their income is over 50K! But when his income gets to 35K she decides to become a stay at home mom.
Well now I am in rears to the tune of 7K. Anyway 2 years out and I got myself together and paid all the rears 7k plus the 5280 for 2 years! I am now all caught up. But wait…now I have to go back to a hearing because for the last 2 years she has been getting 500 – 700 a month so that I could catch up. So now she got used to that and wants me to continue to pay that! I go to a hearing on Tuesday next week…I will let you know how it goes!
Hey, just stopping by from stumble. Great post.
I’ll be back to read more of your updates. You seem to have a very interesting bloggy.
[...] I began writing this blog, one of the first articles I put together was ‘How much does it cost to raise a child?’ I am still struck by this fact from the study in 2007: “Only 17 percent of single parent [...]
Hi,
I ran across this article looking for some logic from the female side. I am a divorced father. Where I don’t agree is why does child support increase? Let me explain my situation.
The problems I had in my marriage were caused by money, or the lack off. This set off other frustrations. In the end, after 6 years, our marriage was over. She moved on; I can understand why in a sense, since really I couldn’t give my family a good life style, or the one she wanted only making 33k a year (family of 3 {wife, child, me}).
I am not one of those deadbeats that cheated on his wife or doesn’t care to see their child. Things just didn’t work out for reasons that could have been worked through if we both had patients, but that is not my daughters fault so I will not take it out on her (by not paying child support or visiting her at school). It has now been a little over 4 yrs since the divorce. I have been asking my ex for more time. I get off from work at by 3 so I can pick her up from school any day of the week and can drop her off to her mother by 530-6pm when she gets home. All she tells me is no! That it’s not what the divorce decree says. If my friends or family is having a party for their kids I can’t even ask to have my daughter for a couple of hours. On my off week, I have her on Monday for 2 hours. I have asked to extend that to 4 hours, the answer is no. What frustrates me is the selfishness. This brings me to my question regarding child support.
1) The whole time we were married I only made 33-35k a year. When we separated for the last time, I ended up taking a job that instead of salary was hourly with OT. Because I was working 55 hours a week, now child support was based on OT and not my hourly wage. Why? OT is not a guarantee. I dealt with it. I didn’t argue when I went down to 45 hours a week for a period of time since my lawyer told me it would cost me $1500 to take her back before the three year mark (would have only saved about 100 a month. 1500+ waiting for the court date wasn’t going to save me anything).
2) Within two years from the divorce, I changed jobs again, went back to salary but making more money for the year. On the third year, the ex took me back to court and raised the child support. Why is it that when I increase, the cost to raise my child increases? Yet we never made this much money while we were married. Yet she can still be at the same spot, take low paying jobs because of no education making same money as she did before marriage? Did I mention she got remarried 1yr 8m after our divorce; guy has not kids so now she has two incomes. So point is I make more money now, after three years on my own, and child support increases for me?
3) Above someone mentioned something regarding their ex having another baby and child support being brought down for the first child and asking the question…is the first child not as important anymore (not exact words). Look at it in another way. Present day, I now make more than 60k….I know I make more money than my ex and her husband combined (I went back to school and finished my degree). In three months I can get taken back to court (every 3 yrs) to raise child support. I’m dreading the day. Here is what I THINK is going to happen. They will see what I currently make and adjust the child support. end of story. Again..Why do I increase and it cost more to raise my daughter? And now here is a bigger question. If my child support is going to be adjusted at let’s say 75k a year salary, then why is it okay for their second child to be raised off of 52k a year? Where is the logic in that? Why does it take more money to raise my child than my ex’s second? Age difference? My daughter is in school. There is no more diapers, daycares, etc…
I know a lot of women out there (friends and family) who wish their child’s father would ask for more time or would even show up on time. They don’t wish if for them, but for their kids. Why can’t she see that she isn’t hurting me so much by taking my time away, but she is hurting our child. For now, all I can do is eat lunch with her at school and just have the time I have. I just have been frustrated with the “unfairness” of everything. Why do I lose out on my daughter? Who helps me with food, cloths, extra room in an apt, toys, etc? I am trying my hardest to see a woman’s side to this, but I know I’m not one of those fathers that are described above.