It’s been a very hard week–and it’s only Tuesday. I’ve been so very careful since October, taking on more responsibility, more pressure, more more, but slowly. I’m being kind to myself. I’m not overextending. I’ve given myself time to grieve and mourn, time to grow into my job, time to heal, time to branch out and spend time with friends.
I’m down tonight.
I’ll finish writing some of my thoughts down in a paper journal, with a lovely fountain pen, and take comfort in the fact that my difficult days are … okay. At least I’m not being told I’m a failure–on the contrary, I’ve got a great team at work, I get pep talks from my mother that make me smile for days and one look at my kid will tell you I’ve been doing something right. I’m not a constant disappointment to anyone anymore. I do a good job, I’m a good friend, and I take care of my son as best I can.
There isn’t any me time in there. There’s no time for art, though I did have a lovely walk home, singing as I went. There isn’t time for cooking, though I did have a lovely meal with lovely people recently. There isn’t time to stop and breathe — though I did get into the gym last week and the trainer thinks I can get into shape in six months if I want to.
I just have to get through this week.
I agree and don’t know how you do it day in and day out. I am impressed daily by single parents that make it happen. What is “it”? Smiles. Somehow, no matter what we do in our lives, we always manage t make our kids smile and that makes our crazy, insane days worth it! Don’t forget that.
I’m hanging in there. the growing pains I had to go through when I first accepted this job are now transmuted to the two new hires I have to somehow train and mentor though these hard first months, so I’m going through it all over again. And we’re slammed. I just have to make it to the end of the weekend, and I’ll be fine.
are you feeling better yet?
Kate, it’s a horrid way to go through life. I’m just lucky that I have only recently chosen to live like this.
This time-starved life is an epidemic. I wish there were some easy way to address it and lose ourselves for a moment of quiet solitude.