In response to the recent comment wars between special needs parents and those of us who are being called idiots, I’d like to pose topic that will hopefully get some of us on our way to learning and recognizing the needs of special needs.
So often we hear “treat them normal” by allowing them to do things like participate in regular classrooms, school sports, engage in public travel and the workforce.
So as a society, we do.
But then if we don’t recognize the special needs and don’t treat them differently – by not allowing them to disobey rules and regulations – we’re called a variety of unsavory names and ridiculed because we “should have known better” – “should have been better prepared” or something similar.
So, in effort to become educated and to learn to be more compassionate toward those with special needs, can some of you please explain to me and the others who commented and emailed privately –
How can we recognize when we’re supposed to treat people normal and when we’re supposed to treat them differently?
This is a genuine effort to learn here — please refrain from name calling and flaming – otherwise your comment will not be approved.
Those wishing to learn, like ma’self – feel free to ask questions – but too, you must be nice!
Now let us proceed…
This has been interesting to read. As a mother of an autistic boy that has instant melt downs life is difficult. my sons behavior is not always perdictable, and like others said I still have to live. He can go a month or two with nothing and then start biting me in the arm at the store. I do not have a good answer to your question, just to say if you think people would willing choice this life as an excuse for their child behavior that is way wrong. Having a child with a disablity is humiating in our society. I get treated like you said in your other posts like dirt all the time. It is hard enough to live day to day, let all dealing with people whom feel like they do not want bothered by disablilites.
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i saw a blog post today and thought it would help with the conversation. i don’t have a special needs child but i’m trying to learn as much as i can!
http://rocksinmydryer.typepad.com/shannon/2008/07/what-id-like–1.html
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The main question seems to be, when is it okay to judge a kid? Autism or not it’s not okay to judge a kid or a parent.
We shouldn’t be so quick to assume that a parent isn’t parenting or that a parent is milking the system or that a kid is bratty, because we never really know what’s going on w/ other people. Would a little tolerance and selflessness, kindness and compassion kill us now and then?
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Mike: I don’t think you should go around telling everyone that your child has autism. I think there are some situations where it would be helpful to let someone know. From what I’ve read on your blog though, you know your kid pretty well and that accounts for a lot. You know what’s best for your child.
Michelle:
“Some kids are bratty. I have one. Some kids are autistic. I have one of those too.”
Your comment made me laugh because I have one kid that is usually well behaved. Then I have another who has sensory issues, is bratty, defiant, argumentative, too smart for her own good, and sassy, all balled up into one. Sometimes I think she’s 3 kids in one. lol
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Just a quick comment for Thrift Karen. I have no intention of running around and telling everybody before hand that Pookie has autism. Most of the time it is not something they need to know. Most of the time we can deal with problems that come up without anybody elses help.
Like I said in the original post, I don’t know enough to know if I agree with the mom and/or the airlines and don’t really care since it seems like a isolated bad situation that escalated way beyond what it should have because of issues on both sides that had nothing to do about whether the boy had autism or not.
As for when to treat kids with autism normal or not, I’m not even sure what that means. They should always be treated like normal. If they look confused they should be helped more…just like, but maybe more often, than kids without autism. Parents of children with autism should not be assumed to be “gaming the system” because I have received a number of emails from parents asking me how to let their spouse to agree to get their kid officially diagnosed. There are not many people out there hoping the doctor tells them their kid has autism.
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I’ve been reading this ongoing saga & have to say the whole thing fascinates me, kind of like a bad accident scene. I just can’t look away.
I suspect that what you want to know is WHEN you can judge another person/parent’s behaviour as being irritating and WHEN you can judge that behaviour as being part of a defined “special need”.
The short answer is, you can’t. Some kids are bratty. I have one. Some kids are autistic. I have one of those too. Can I always tell the difference between? Nope. As their parents, we have to cope with the behaviour & hope that onlookers can be compassionate because they are 5 & 3.
As another thought, the thing that makes me the most crazy is when I can FEEL other people judging me, my parenting skills & my child. It is one thing to notice bad behaviour & be glad it isn’t you dealing with it. It is quite another to stare, comment or otherwise let me know that you don’t approve. In other words, if it isn’t your business, why are you letting it bother you?
Sorry that seems a bit like a vent instead of a comment, but the whole issue has me wondering too.
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In some situations we (the public) can tell when a child or person has special needs. Then, there are other times when we can’t, and that’s ok. If you’re a parent with a child with special needs, it’s a REALLY good idea to let the airline know ahead of time. You could even do this when you board the plane. My goodness, you need to let them know. Am I supposed to believe that an airline attendant was picking on this kid? It just sounds fishy. I’m not disagreeing that the child has autism, but had the airline been notified ahead of time, this probably would not have happened.
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