I never. Ever. Thought I’d be a single mother.
Yet, here I am.
I’ve got it good. I’ve got some money saved. I’ve got a real career, despite never having finished college and having been a stay at home mother for over three years. My kid is amazing, and I think that even the separation was, if not good for him, then certainly not bad for him. I’m on speaking terms with my ex and his family. My parents are amazing, and are as involved with my son’s life as I am, and they make such a positive difference in his life.
I write often about the articles I see about single mothers struggling. I’m not really one of them, but I can relate. If it hadn’t been for the involvement of an incredible community of mothers here in my home town, if my parents hadn’t been here to help take care of this child, pick him up after school, take him overnight for a little mom sanity break, I wouldn’t have been able to do this.
There was a group of single mothers who met last week, and I was delighted by the many ways in which these women found themselves to be single mothers. Adoption. Passionate affairs! And yes, divorce. We were so excited to meet each other, and it was a strong, dynamic, lovely group of women. If I can get my house clean, I’m going to invite them all over for a cuppa.
All those struggling mother stories the media likes to trot out at this time of year, combined with the reality of the single mothers I know in real life made me curious. Who are you, out there? Some of you mothers I know are in happy, ‘whole’ families and just read this blog for the helluvit. Some of you are single mothers, by choice or by circumstance. Do you write a blog? Do you read other blogs? What gets you going when you just think you can’t do it anymore (I confess, a good haircut always gets me back in stride… thanks, Dennis!)… what makes you tick?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Kristy, it’s good to hear you’re at the top of the hill, now. HUZZAH!
I’m a single parent by choice, but by unavoidable choice. “Unavoidable choice” is just another phrase for “divorced from a deadbeat”. I don’t really consider myself a struggling single parent either. I have an education and a good career and a wonderful support system around me .. now. I used to be one of those struggling single moms so I can definately relate to those climbing the hill.
Amy, Kelly, Andrea and Issa…
thank you so much for sharing this. You are wonderful women!
I’m a single parent through divorce… and relative to many I’m sure I have it very easy.. family, job, ex who pays his child support. Would I like to send my kids to the summer camps all their friends go to? Sure? I can’t. But am I able enjoy the occasional fun weekend away with them, they wear nice clothes & are certainly not “deprived” in any way.
I can’t say I love being a single mom… just me & two young boys & working full time is tough. But we’re making a nice life with each other & figuring it out as we go along. And I do blog. And it does help.
I was never married. I am a single mom because I made the mistake at the young age of 20 of sleeping with a man without using a condom. He wasn’t interested in being a father, so I was on my own. I, like you, am extremely blessed to have very supportive parents nearby, as well as a lot of friends who love her like their own.
Yes, I do have a blog. It’s a great way to sort out my feelings, to vent, and also to keep track of what goes on in our lives so I can reference it later. I love reading the blogs of other single moms because we can really relate to each other in a lot of ways.
What helps me when I can’t take it anymore? Sending the child to a sleepover, or vegging in front of the TV or with a good book.
Oh, and I love being a single mom. Yes, I struggle sometimes, but not as much as some others. I love our little family of two, and the fact that all decisions are mine and mine alone. We share a very close bond because of our situation, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If a man comes along that I think will make our happy lives even happier, I welcome him. But it’s just not a necessity to me.
I have a love/hate relationship with my single mommyhood. I got married when I was eighteen. I got divorced when I was twenty-two. I was emotionally and sexually abused by my husband. I think more of my struggling has had to do with healing from that than raising my children on my own. My parents have made sure I would get back on my own two feet, and I have. My friends, though the majority are raising children with husbands, have provided me with a wonderful support system. I devour single mom blogs, especially this one and Single Mom Seeking. I focus on my children and make sure to take care of myself as well, and I laugh as much as possible. I operate as though this is a permanent arrangement; no rescue fantasies. I take pride in what I am able to provide my boys with.
I have to say, I also have read many articles, message boards, and web pages of single mothers who can be placed all along the “single mom continuum”. As you know, I write a blog (or I should say, have too sporadically contributed to a blog when I have the time), and I think my blog is a fairly accurate representation of a woman who has decided not to struggle but to enjoy the adventure that is single mommyhood. I have a very good job with a very good salary. My parents, although divorced, are each extremely supportive in their own way and delighted beyond measure at being Grandparents. I have good friends who call and check on me often because they are too far to visit, as well as one or two who come by so that I can do the little things that can be difficult with a newborn in the house. I am not struggling in any way, except for the internal struggling I did in order to come to terms with the reality that my ex and I weren’t getting married, then that we would not be getting back together and that I was going to be a single mother to my son. I have gotten infinitely better with that struggle, and have even come to the realization that on some level I very well may have created this situation in my life on purpose because I wanted to be a parent on my own terms. Being a single mom gives me the freedom to parent in a way that is most organic to me without having to consult with the father on every little decision – especially when his judgment is a little less than to be admired. So no, I am not struggling. I am doing exceedingly well. I am both blessed and very grateful!