Arg. What on earth have we been reduced to??
Lenore Skenazy, a columnist for the New York Sun, wrote a column about letting her kid go home from Bloomies by himself. Apparently, the reaction was… mixed, to say the least.
Some folks waxed rapsodic on their own childhood experiences. Some were insensed and of course had not so nice things to say about her perceived parenting skills.
Skenazy recently left her 9-year-old son, Izzy, at Bloomingdale’s in midtown Manhattan with a Metrocard for the subway, a subway map, $20, and told him she’d see him when he got back home. She wrote a column about it and has been amazed at the chord she struck among New Yorkers who remember being kids in those more innocent times.
…
As she wrote in her column about Izzy’s big adventure: “Half the people I’ve told this episode to now want to turn me in for child abuse. As if keeping kids under lock and key and helmet and cell phone and nanny and surveillance is the right way to rear kids. It’s not. It’s debilitating — for us and for them.”
The Today Show hosted the intrepid boy and his pioneering mom (HOME! ALONE! ON THE SUBWAY! OH HORRORS!) and you can watch the whole thing here.
Of course, here comes my two cents. I think the public outcry, and the poll linked to the MSNBC site that, at last glance, showed only 35% of the voters would let their children travel alone, is an indictment of our society, not the mother who trusts her child–and her city–well enough to let him make his way home. We’re raising a generation of children who have so little free will, from structured play dates to scheduled after school activities to shuttling around in their parents’ cars…
I was let out the front door in the summertime right after lunch and came home for dinner. If my mom checked up on me, I never knew it. I went where I said I’d be and I was safe. I went to school on the
public busses from 6 – 8th grade, usually with a friend or two.
Part of me wants to remind us all that this wave of fear we’re living under is well manufactured by the media we ingest whole every day. Yes, bad things happen. But these prisons we’re living in are sucking
the life out of us and our kids. I wish we could find safe ways to restore freedom to our children. Can you imagine letting your kid roam the back trails of a public park by herself? There might be rapists
out there! But yet, I did it when I was a kid, and I had wild adventures by the stream, and nothing horrible happened to me. I learned how to deal with Mr. PeePee and his magic flashing flesh. I knew how to play and how to identify weirdos who didn’t belong. I knew how to cross the street and where to go if I needed help.
I hope when my kid is nine, he’ll have a posse of friends with whom he can travel through the wild streets of my fair city.
And to the lady Lenore, I say…
Go, mama, GO!
Stop raising a country full of pansies. Sure you shouldn’t just hand your kids a map and a Metrocard and say, “good luck” but your kids need to grow up some time. Parents are always underestimating their children, teach them how to read a map, how to use a Metrocard, who to ask directions from, they’ll adapt and overcome.
Kids are a lot more observant and capable than you think. I used to pick up my brother from school when he was a 2nd grader and I was a 5th grader and walk home about a quarter mile because both my parents worked and I was the only one in the family who could set the time on the VCR.
[...] in point: remember the mother who, last year, let her kid take the subway home? In New York? OHMYGODNO!!!! If you Google ‘America’s Worst Mom” you will find Lenore Skenazy at [...]
Well i grew up in the bronx and was wandering all around when i was 6 yrs old with me and a bunch of my freinds..we would ride bikes or just wander in packs around the neighborhood my family was never much concerned for my safety and i never felt afraid all of us were the same age so it wasnt just my family..i think it was a good thing to expereince independence on my own i would ride the subway all the way downtown to school when i was 9-10 never had any problems mostly during those hours its business ppl and ppl going to work and school its not a big deal..now at night its a much different story anything after 9 is inviting trouble..during the day… its nothing thats even news worthy..but when you compare it to suburban parents with kids who have cell phones before they even have fuzz on the kiwis, and there parents protect them and fully shelter them from the world and provide insular social circles ie soccer, football etc, its just a different lifestyle and thats it..point blank obviosly the kid from the city is going to be much more advanced then the kid from the suburbs in terms of independence and real life situations but the kids from the suburbs will have a much better quality of life and have all there needs provided for above and beyond what is neccesary which is awesome if your lucky to be born into one of these familys..you can allways tell the kids from good familys from the suburbs, just by looking at them you can tell that they are well off, and so lucky in there insular lives im not going to lie kids from the suburbs who have parents that actually take care of them and protect them from the world have everything..kids who have parents that dont care about them have nothing ..and on a second note i have a 12 yr old son.. I would not let him ride the subway or the bus or go anywhere without an adult I would just be to scared…
[...] what about the mother who let her son ride the subway home alone in New York city? Written by Matthew in: Children, Illinois | Tags: baby sitting, Children, [...]
Thanks for sharing your opinion, M.
This mother showed reckless, poor judgement. There’s no excuse for her behavior. She endangered her child. The only reason why anyone supports her is because she wrote about it with a philosophical spin, making it look intentional. If she’d let him ride the subway home by himself because she was a single mother working the second shift she’d be in jail and nobody would support her. People are just guillble and have bad judgement. They are cowed by spin and status.
Ok………just one more thing….and I promise that is it! LOL.
I just remembered this scenario with my Nephew and his mother.
There was probably a caravan of 3 car loads of us who were all driving to Ocean City Maryland and we stopped at a rest stop to get a quick bite and use the restrooms and all the husbands took the cars to get gassed up and were going to meet us.
My sister-in-law would not allow her 12 year old son to use the Men’s room! She brought him into the Ladies room! I was horrified. She was afraid that a pedophile was going to be in the men’s room so she wouldn’t let him go in there alone. The poor child is not even allowed to pee alone.
This is pretty much on par with the poor child who is not allowed to cross the street at 12 years old. Give me a break.
I’d like to add something to what I previously written:
As a child I walked to and from school. I walked or took a bus to my friends houses, major league baseball games, the zoo, the movies, the store.
I was told never to go with anyone or to talk to strangers. My mother was constantly on our backs about strangers etc. She even went as far to say not to get into ANYONES car even if we KNEW them, ie, neighbors etc. She was always lecturing us on safety.
I remember coming home and telling my Mother about a man in a blue van that was always circling the block. She told us to stay away from the van. She trusted that I/we were competant enough to do this. She did not get hysterical and lock me/us away in my room, or follow me around, or call me constantly.But my Mother allowed me to go out on my own (not without limits) and discover life, make mistakes, get lost, and,,,find my way home.
I baby sat for the first time at age 11, and as far as the children of my time were much less aware of “adult” matters compared to the kids today,,,,we were much smarter in many other ways. We were ALLOWED to be more independent, to learn that life is not all rosy and sweet, to learn that I am not the apple of everyone’s eye like I am at home, to learn how to handle disappointments…..
My parents were not afraid to disappoint me. They were not afraid to say no to me.
They were loving, caring, but they were my parents, not my friends, and they were not afraid that I wouldn’t love them if they said no.
My parents were never afraid that I was going to get mad at them and not love them anymore.
My parents had the attitude that I as a parent now have: “They’ll get over it.”
Today parents are saying no and yes to the wrong things.
I feel hovering and coddling are related.
My nephew is 12 and can’t make a sandwich or fix a bowl of cereal on his own. His mother coddles him to the point that he is totally dependent on her. I find this selfish. It makes her feel good to keep him as a child and yet it is crippling him. She monitors all activities with other children. Called his baseball coach because one of the other boys said he stinks (she also called the childs mother), will not allow him to go off with his cousins to ride the rides at an amusement park,,,he has to stay by her side at all times and ride rides with her or play games with her or her husband. Her fear is that the boys are going to tease him if he does’nt want to ride certain rides. His dad is his playmate, so if his dad doesn’t have time to play with him then he reads or plays on the computer.
His school bus stop his on a residential street 2 blocks from his house and his mother, father or older sister drives or walks the two blocks everyday to make sure he isn’t walking home alone. The poor child has absolutely no confidence in himself…and it’s no wonder why.
Again, I applaud Izzy’s mom for having the courage to let her son go out a little on his own.
It is scary. But it is necessary. Don’t sacrifice your child to save yourself from worry. All parents have had to worry, and I don’t think the worry ever ends no matter how old your children are. But your/our job is to protect our children…and part of protecting them is teaching them that they are capable of doing some things on their own. Over protecting is just as harmful as neglect.
I applaud Izzy and I applaud Izzy’s Mom.
Most parents I know do not allow their children to do anything on their own stunting their emotional growth.
The hysteria over child predators has grown as incredibly huge as the hysteria over second hand smoke. We tend to believe what we are hyped and then take it to the next level of fear. This is incredible to me that supposedly intelligent people alllow such manipulation by the media to affect their lives.
I feel sorry for children that are underparented, and I feel equally if not more sorry for children who are overparented. Surely this is also a form of child abuse. Hovering over your children breeds nothing but fear and insecurities in the child while it makes the parent feel good.
This is nothing but selfish behaviour.
My eighteen year old niece does not know how to take the bus! She is emotionally crippled.
Children cannot learn to be a person in their own right. A child that is hovered over is not capable of handling life’s situations because the parent handles all situations for them.
To me this is sad.
Greg, thank you for voicing your thoughts on this issue. I think it’s sad that so many of our children don’t know how to make their way, independently, anymore. Glad to know you’re out there!
I’m sorry I just wanted to add
“I don’t like the idea of my kid crossing streets with all that going on. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable in trying to protect her from that.”
I don’t mean to target you are anything, but your girl is 12, and she doesn’t cross the street by herself? Don’t you think that’s a little TOO overprotective?