It took him nearly two months, but my son sent out thank you cards for almost all the presents he got for his birthday.
Oh he whined, and complained. And I told him if he wanted to be sure his friends knew they were appreciated, that their efforts were recognized, that their presents were valued, then he had to do it. He had to write thank you notes. That spirit of altruism didn’t appeal to him, necessarily. He’s six. The world still revolves around him. So I tried another tactic: “If you don’t send thank-you’s, eventually, they stop sending presents.”
That got his attention.
Good manners are a formidable tool in this day and age. Knowing how to behave in every situation is priceless, and will give your children a measurable advantage in this world. Come on, single mothers, admit it… don’t you want to make life a little easier for your kids?
Folks appreciate good behavior. Well-dressed, well-spoken kids are looked upon favorably by grown ups, and are treated better. And manners are a great place to hide when you’re uncomfortable or out of place. My son has turned playground enemies into friends with his good manners, introducing himself to even the bullies, including as many children into his games as he can. He disarms the grumpy kids with his easy-going ways, and the adults always smile and remark upon his poise. He’s trained well.
Seems many of us have forgotten how to behave. My city’s mayor showed up to a funeral in a light colored leisure suit. I mean, you can decide for yourself whether to go against Miss Manners’ injunction against white shoes after Labor Day and before Memorial Day, but there are some courtesies we should instill in our children, and pick up the habit, ourselves.
I just spend an incredible three days celebrating Independence Day with my inner circle of those I love most. As soon as the King of Everything was abed tonight, I started to write my thank you letters. One to my parents, even though they live in the top floor condo of my building, to thank them for the effort they put into hosting me and my dearest boys in all the world for the fireworks. One to my family’s oldest friends, for inviting us to their estate on the Eastern Shore to eat fresh crabs and swim in their pool. One to my own Serendipity for making such an effort towards a laughter-filled weekend.
I even have stamps.
Single mama, your little guy sounds just wonderful. I’m trying to get up to your neck of the woods sooner rather than later. We’ll tawk.
Rebecca, I love it. And the aunt? how wonderful. But I think your little guy and mine need a playdate, stat.
Oh, this is so true. People are blown away that at only 22 months old, Theo already says thank you and you’re welcome pretty much every time. He hears me say it all the time so he just models the behavior. Now, he doesn’t say please much, so I’m wondering if maybe I need to start reviewing myself to see if I’m not saying it as much as I should!
I have the same conversation with my teenage girls every time I hand them the address book and thank you cards after a party. “They were here, I thanked them in person…” They get the same response “I don’t care, it’s the right thing to do, now start writing.”
They have an Aunt who they probably have not seen in person for years (on my ex’s side) who sends them $3-$5 every minor holiday. I make them write a thank you each and every time. I tell them, why do you think she keeps sending it??
And on the other side – my just turned 5 yr old son introduces himself holding out his hand to shake “Hi, I’m first name-middle name-last name. What’s your name?” to EVERYBODY. “Oh, and that’s my brother, full name.” It’s so cute.