Protecting the Joy: How Much Partying Should a Newborn Do?

Yesterday, I wrote a bit about the special demands of having a Christmas baby and how to manage the stress of having a new born and celebrating. If you have a list of parties to attend between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve, you should probably throw that list out. That said, you shouldn’t stay at home to cook a full holiday dinner by yourself only to have to clean up on your own.

There is a lot of contradictory advice about when new mothers and their babies should go out, if at all. I think the best way to deal with the issue is this: Do what you feel like and don’t worry about what you can’t do.

Just over a year ago, I quoted an Irish article about a hospital where new mothers asked for visiting hours to be reduced. At the time, I was more surprised that women got to stay in hospital to rest after giving birth rather than their request that visiting hours be restricted. It does make sense, though. After giving birth, rest and repair are necessary.

At the same time, I am a fan of visiting new mothers. As long as they are out of hospital. And, as long as those visitors don’t expect to be entertained. Visiting a new mother should be an act of love. That means visitors should know how to help out: bring a healthy meal that can be re-heated, fold that mountain of laundry sitting on the couch, stack the dishwasher or take an older child out to play.

<>I am also a fan of new babies and new mothers going out to visit. Provided that they want to, that they are going somewhere where they can be made comfortable and absolutely no demands are made on them. If you have older children as well as a newborn, I imagine that it is better to go out. Stimulating an older child in positive ways is a requirement for safely enjoying the holidays.

It is also completely understandable for a new mother and baby to want to stay home. Peace, quiet and bonding time are all necessarily private and each mother needs to be able to make her own decisions. She should not have to worry about hurt feelings of party hosts.

I have a happy/sad story to share about a Christmas baby who went out to party. The Christmas I was 20, I was in the middle of cancer treatment. It wasn’t an especially happy time in my life, but the holidays, family parties and expectations of joy came any way. Four days before Christmas, my cousin Shane was born. To everyone’s surprise, my aunt and uncle brought him to my grandmother’s house for dinner. We have a rather large family, so it was a crowd scene.

“I get to hold the baby first,” I said. “I have cancer and you never know, I may not be here next year.” My other aunt, who had been planning to snatch the baby upon arrival, had to back off. Black humor with a grain of truth is an extremely effective tool in getting what one wants.

So, I did get to hold him first. I cuddled his soft new skin against my face that was swollen and acne-ridden from the steroids I was given alongside my chemotherapy. Someone snapped a picture and when I think of that photograph, I am always a bit shocked. I don’t remember how sick I felt, but I do remember how good it was to hold a new baby. How lovely it was to watch him breath and murmur and sleep so soundly while the Christmas crowds milled around. I am so glad he came to the party.