Valentines Day Resolutions: Expert Tips For A Better Sex Life All Year Long

Editor of Best Sex Writing 2012 and Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples

I'm a big fan of switching things up and getting out of your usual routine. Maybe that means having sex before dinner, rather than after, letting your partner watch you masturbate (this is an underrated thrill for both parties, and you can take turns watching and showing off) or indulging in a staycation at a local hotel (or a long weekend away if you can afford it), or just getting it on in the kitchen. Sometimes we fall into a sexual rut and don't even realize it. By making an effort to change the setting or timing, you're showing that you care and aren't just waiting for sex to happen, but being pro-active, and your lover can't help but appreciate that. Remember that being wanted is an aphrodisiac, and even if you think they know how much you crave them, a reminder can't hurt, and may lead to new discoveries.

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Chief Pleasure Officer of Crave–manufacturer of luxury sex toys for women.

Did you know surprise is an aphrodisiac? Surprise that special someone with something creative whether you're in a relationship or just starting out...it will surely surpass any typical dinner and movie. Try designing an experience...think of all the things he/she loves and create an experience just for them. Think of it as a sensory experience, blindfold them and take them to a particular spot they love or surprise them with a thoughtful gift, or play a special song they love at an unexpected time. This does not necessarily have to be expensive, its all about the presentation!

Single? Do something different out of your normal routine! Surprise yourself by trying new things, allow yourself to explore activities and toys you've never thought about trying. Learning about yourself is the first step to loving yourself!

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Author of The Sex Diaries Project: What We're Saying About What We're Doing.

If you're dating, come up with an interim happy plan. You'll be playing the field for an average of a year or two (that's the average--some date for less time), and the happiest daters are meeting their sexual/emotional/daily support needs in the interim, through lots of close friends and events, and either a good toy box or play partners.

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Author of Crazy Little Thing: Why Love and Sex Drive Us Mad

As kids we love Twinkies and Pixy Stix…as adults we put grow to prefer sushi and martinis. Our desires in everything from food to film to friends evolve…it makes sense that our sexual style would do the same. I’m single and was shocked recently to realize that sex with randoms - “just for fun” - didn’t seem like fun at all anymore and that I’d rather wait for something deeper. It was like looking in the mirror and seeing a skinny blonde instead of, well… me. I thought “Who am I turning into?” It freaked me out until I realized that’s an exciting question…now I’m curious to find out.

So maybe you’ve gone from straight to heteroflexible or from prim young lady to gymnastic cougar, but when your sexual style changes in surprising ways it’s probably doing so for a reason. Let it. It’s exciting to stand back and watch yourself evolve.

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Editor of Never Have The Same Sex Twice

My best bit of how-to sex advice is simple: never have the same sex twice!
This doesn’t mean to find someone brand new—
(Although I’ve had my share of lovers, too.)
But see your partner through a newbie’s eyes—
And maybe slip into a sly disguise.
Fishnets? A wig? A daring negligee…
Perhaps some hers (and his!) silk lingerie.
Be silly, be creative, be carefree.
Unleash your inner tigress (or pussy).
Try handcuffs, or a blindfold, don’t be shy.
Be sub, be dom, be willing just to try.
February 14 is the time—
Renew your love affair with your Valentine.

Photo: Fresh Home Ideas

Editor of Best Erotic Romance

The day-to-day stressors of work and family can take their toll on your sex life. Want to jump start your desire? Read erotica before you go to bed. Those sexy stories will work their way into your dreams and fuel your fantasies. There is something about reading erotica that primes the pump, so to speak. Reading about sex makes you more adventurous. It makes you realize that your secret desires aren’t so unusual after all. It makes you want to do the things you’re reading about. Want to feel really naughty? Read erotica in public. In the coffee shop, on the train, in the waiting room at your dentist’s office. You will blush, you will squirm, you will get turned on. You will be thinking about sex all the time. Reading erotica will keep sex at the forefront of your thoughts even when you can’t do anything about it. And all of that delicious anticipation makes for explosive orgasms when finally have time to indulge yourself, alone or with a partner.

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Author of Stop Calling Him Honey ... And Start Having Sex!

Forget about the sexy lingerie and redecorating your bedroom. A date night is nice, especially on Valentine's Day, but a meal in a restaurant isn't going to make you hot for each other again. What will, you ask? Getting rid of the habits that are sabotaging your sex life! Habits that you do every day and don't even think about. You have to clean house of the things that are making you both less sexual, before you can add some new habits.

First place to start is...how do you call each other? "Honey"? "Sweetie"? The dreaded ..."Pookie"? Get rid of these pet names, or at least cut them way down, and start addressing each other as sexual adults again. If your husband's name is Steve, for example, say something like this when you see him after work. "Steve, I've really missed you all day. I've been waiting for this moment all afternoon." Then give him a good kiss on the lips. Now isn't that a little more sexy than "Hi sweetie, glad you're home?"

Photo: The Kitchn

Editor of Carnal Machines: Steampunk Erotica

Ah, Valentines Day, when a girl’s thoughts turn to love and sex and gifts – not necessarily in that order. On Valentine’s Day, as well
as every other day of the year, communication’s the key. You can’t possibly expect to get what you want if you don’t communicate your needs clearly and unambiguously to your lover. Seriously, how’s he supposed to know your fondest wish is to tie him up and have your way with him unless you tell him? Sure, you can hint at it by absent- mindedly winding your stocking around his wrists while watching Practical Magic, but your best bet is to just be clear about it: Pull a riding crop from under your pillow and say, “Sweetie, I’d really love to tie you up.” He might say something like, “Why would you want to do that?” But that’s only because he’s a little slow on the uptake. He’ll think about it for a second and then say, “Oh – oh!” and get a cockeyed grin on his face because, after all, it’s sex. He likes sex. And the bottom line is that he really wants to know what you want.

The same goes for roses and chocolate. (Be specific about the chocolate, I’m just sayin’.)

Photo: The Elephant Nest