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Every time another incident occurs in which a mother is asked to stop breastfeeding in public, I go back and forth about whether or not to talk about it. In my nearly eight years of breastfeeding, I have never had anyone say anything negative to me about nursing in public. I did get a funny look from an elderly woman one time when I was nursing my 2.5-year-old curled around my big pregnant belly, but I can see why it might be a little shocking to some people to be hit with the toddler-nursing/nursing-while-pregnant/nursing-in-public triple whammy. The woman’s funny look did not bother me as I focused on meeting my child’s needs. I am confident in my parenting choices and care little what strangers think. So I never have had any real trouble nursing in public and I do not want other women to get the impression that if they nurse in public they are at all likely to receive comment on it. More likely they will get a knowing smile or nod from another person, usually a woman (for men are afraid to acknowledge nursing in public even in a positive way as heaven forbid it be misinterpreted as leering at the breastfeeding woman!)
On the other hand, if we (as in the royal “we”) do not talk about incidents in which mothers are asked to stop breastfeeding, we potentially do a disservice to other women because we miss an opportunity to educate the general population and business owners about breastfeeding in public, and we do not teach mothers how to stand up for their rights and the rights of their nursing babies in the unlikely event of a confrontation.
Photo by postanthem on flickr.com
What do you think? What is the obligation of the breastfeeding community when it comes to talking about confrontations over nursing in public?
Women should breastfeed their children if they are able, this includes public places. However, dressing rooms are for the store’s customers to try on clothes, not breastfeed. I could see a store asking her to leave the dressing room, as she was not trying on clothes, but not to leave the store. Women should no be hassled about breastfeeding, but they should exercise some common sense as well. A dressing room is not a nursing station. She could have easily found a seat elsewhere in the store or mall to breastfeed (or asked if she could have used a dressing room for that purpose – if the store wasn’t busy I would assume they wouldn’t mind).
After my son was born three years ago, I was very shy about breastfeeding anywhere but in private. If I was out in public I would look for a secluded place to hide or go to my car. Now that I am breastfeeding my third child, I have become totally “un-shy” about publically breastfeeding. I do it in public if my daughter is hungry and do it in front of family members who I used to hide from. Mothers just need to try and remind themselves that what they are doing is natural. Mothers also need to know that it is not illegal to breastfeed their babies in public, but they should definitely check out your state’s specific laws, just incase they do run into trouble.
I also find that alot of mothers choose not to breastfeed because they feel that the father won’t have an oppurtunity to bond with their baby. That is far from reality. There are lots of oppurtunities to bond such bath-time, cuddle-time etc.
830 days ago
[...] wants or needs it. I walk through Target while nursing, I nurse Peanut when she’s fussy while I’m trying on clothes, I nurse everywhere I go and I’ve never had anyone say a word to [...]
I too am a nursing mother…nursed three kids up to the age of two. I would never have nursed a 20-month old in a public pool. At that age, the need to breastfeed would not be critical right at that moment. I would wait until a more private and appropriate place to nurse would be available.
Let’s not confuse this issue…can we breastfeed in public? Yes. Can we exercise a little common sense and decorum? Yes, we can. As someone who believes in the benefits of nursing, I also believe in common sense.
It is so important that women who experience this do not do so alone. I’ve never had a nasty comment or look either but I have no doubt some women have. The discussion needs to include the good and bad.
I agree with the view that it’s a good opportunity to educate the type of people who comment so nastily on articles like that — even if they can’t be reached and their minds opened, at least someone else reading those comments might hear both sides to the story and open their own minds to the idea of breastfeeding, and know that there’s support available.
I think the other reason to share these stories is to let women going through situations where they’re encountering negativity over breastfeeding know they’re not alone. I’m also in the lucky category of never having been criticized or shamed for breastfeeding in public, and I do it a lot, even with my 2.5-year-old now. So I don’t think sensationalizing stories like this is helpful, but I do think it’s valid to support any women who are enduring nasty comments or looks, or even being kicked off an airplane or having police called on them! They need to know we care and are on their side.
Given the nasty comments on the news site, I think it is very, very important to talk about NIP whenever the opportunity arises. Like you, I have had nary a negative comment or look while NIP. Maybe people are saving them for when my back is turned, but that is okay. We must educate and we must normalize breastfeeding and NIP or these types of incidents will continue. And as long as there are people who thing breastfeeding and NIP in particular is “disgusting” or “she has no right” or “make the kid wait 5 minutes” there will be mothers who give up early or don’t even try to breastfeed.
I think that talking about it is valuable, and organizing and sharing resources is also valuable. We need each other, and we need to support those who have been wronged. However, I also think that mentioning (as you have) that these incidents are really quite rare is important. The fact is, this is newsworthy because it’s not all that common. If it were common, it would not merit the airtime.
I agree that these incidents need to be talked about. While there are women who have been breastfeeding and breastfeeding advocates for long enough to have seen this go around time and again, there are always women who are just starting to think/read/talk about breastfeeding who need to know the state of the world.
I totally think that these confrontations need to be brought to light, so that some poor new mother who finds herself feeling intimidated by others while NIP will feel encouraged and realize it’s not a big deal! So keep up the good work!
I live about 10 miles from this mall, and this makes me furious, frustrated and sad. Here’s the link to the original story: http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/Battle-Over-Breast-feeding-82000667.html (the one previously provided is to a different station). Read the viewer comments… I feel like it’s a losing battle because breastfeeding is so taboo in our society. What could we, as breastfeeding mothers, possibly do or say to seriously change these people’s minds? Ugh. This just makes me mad.