When I began writing this blog, one of the first articles I put together was ‘How much does it cost to raise a child?’ I am still struck by this fact from the study in 2007: “Only 17 percent of single parent households, 90 percent of which are headed by women, make more than $2,583 a month… before taxes. And these figures are based on households with two children.”
I went back to the updated survey in 2008. How much does it cost? $240,060
MSN’s Money page broke it down for me this year. I don’t have the heart to wade through the Department of Agriculture’s depressing numbers tonight. It will cost single parent families between $118,590 and $250,260, factoring in expenses like clothes, shelter, food, and education. The ex already owes his son over $9,000. Today at the drug store, the King of Everything wanted me to buy a big bag of Lifesavers. “Why, buddy?” I asked. “We don’t need a big bag of Lifesavers!”
“But I DO!” he said, pointing to the bag. “You can win money!” He showed me the contest the company was running. I thought about it, and felt bad for my son, who hasn’t forgotten that his father didn’t even send him a birthday present this year. More than the money, I wish his father would make some sort of effort to engage the boy, even from so far away.
And I think about that deficit, that economic denial in my own small little country of two, and I weigh it against my personal frustrations, how hard I work, how little I am paid for the responsibilities I’m expected to bear. I think about all those ends not meeting in the middle, and the fact that food and a few things to disguise the smell of mold in my post-flooded basement apartment have already caused me to spend my weekly allowance.
Somehow, I have to rise above this. Somehow, we all need to set these frustrations aside and live for the day. I have a bright, shiny penny of a boy, and somehow, that will be enough. Remember, single mothers. Do well by your children, and use only their laughter as your measure of achievement.
I have walked in your shoes. it is tough when the ex wont pay his portion and even if they do, there is so much beyond the ’support’ to be covered.
Hang in there. you just learn to deal and learn as you go that you can make it even on measley income.
I am living proof.
as for the father being more of a part of their lives…I am still waiting for that one. my own ex is now attempting to get into their lives and he is a stranger to them
Elissa, it’s frustrating, isn’t it? I wish I had an easy answer for you. If I had a back yard, I’d plant vegetables.
I hope things ease for you soon.
Yikes…I make almost exactly that 2500 a month (before taxes) figure… and I’ve got 4 kids. Not only that but I have a dead beat of an ex who is now a felon. He’s a good 8000 behind in child support. He recently got his support responsibility drastically reduced since he can’t get a decent job now that he’s a criminal. So, the kids suffer. I honestly find myself wondering how I’m going to be able to feed them… it’s really quite terrifying.